(aka The Movie that Broke the Internet)

I liked it! The special affects are very well done, and this movie does somehow manage to find what is at times an almost perfect balance of poignant sorrow, notes of levity, and winks/nods to hardcore fans. It’s a solid, satisfying movie that does its job. That job of course is wrapping up the current storyline in a big, shiny, star-spangled bow. And it does that, emphatically. Yes, it’s a bit busy. And by a bit, I mean quite a bit more than a bit. Okay, there’s honestly a lot going on in this movie and it did feel overstuffed (or maybe that was just the theater…though at least we had great seats!), even with the 3 hour run-time…but I don’t see how they could have done it any other way. Let’s face it, pretty much all of the Avengers movies are bursting at the seams with excellent characters all vying for more screen time, and this one had even more than most. Would I have wished for more Captain Marvel? Of course. I also missed Loki, which is neither here nor there, but this movie does take the time to pay a very well earned tribute to some long-standing favorites, and it quite regretfully heralds the end of an era. It ends not with a whimper, but a bang, and leaves us all wishing for just a bit more time with the oldest (and arguably greatest) of Marvel’s Avengers.

P.S. Hey Marvel, where in the name of Thor’s hammer is Moon Knight? Asking for a friend.

(aka Marvel’s response to Wonder Woman)

SO. MUCH. YES. Finally! This is the superhero movie I’ve been waiting for, and it even features a cast I wouldn’t change if I could. Oscar winner Brie Larson plays the plucky Carol Danvers in the first Marvel film to be fronted by a woman in their otherwise mostly testosterone driven galaxy of movies…I’m of course pretending (as I hope you are) that Elektra never happened. I’m sure Jennifer Garner is as well. But enough about Elektra (seriously, let’s never speak of it again), let’s get back to Captain Marvel, which is actually a legitimately good movie. Seriously. Yes, it’s another Marvel superhero movie. Yes, there have been a lot of those (and they’re certainly not all good). There’s something about this one though, that is both fresh and familiar, and leaves you just a little bit happier when you leave the theater. Nick Fury’s (Samuel L. Jackson) banter with Carol is feisty and fun, and his interactions with the scene-stealing cat named Goose are just plain adorable. I very much appreciated all of the girl-power this film delivers – and with abilities like that, I can see why Fury has this woman on speed dial. I watched this movie in a very cold theater with only a light jacket for warmth (that I had to steal from my husband because I forgot my own), I sat through ALL of the end-credits for the obligatory extra scenes, and then I told husband that I wanted to watch it again (through chattering teeth). Yeah. It’s that good.

(aka The Notorious RBG)

Hmm. I find myself slightly conflicted about this movie. On the one hand, we have a story about pre-Supreme Court Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and I feel obliged to have a slightly higher opinion on the basis of that alone. On the other hand, we have a biopic that is merely adequate, almost sternly sober, and honestly is just not the extraordinary piece that it’s subject deserves. I wasn’t really feeling Felicity Jones’s performance in the beginning, but I will say that she came into her own for the do-or-die speech that might just have saved the movie (and the day). I would have wished for more Justin Theroux, as he stole pretty much every scene in which he appeared – bad suits, and all. Armie Hammer gave a quietly likable performance that was nothing special (unfortunately, as he’s definitely capable of better). All in all, this is an educational story about a fascinating subject that is nice enough, but nothing more than that. Is it illuminating? Absolutely. Is it inspiring? Yes. But it’s also utterly forgettable. 

(aka The Iron Giant, Transformed)

Oh, the nostalgia! This latest installment (spinoff?) of the Transformers franchise is set in 1987, and man, did it feel like an 80’s movie. And not just a not bad 80’s movie, but actually a good 80’s movie. Yes, it felt a little like The Iron Giant, E.T., and a John Hughes movie all rolled into one, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. This was the Transformers movie that I didn’t want, and didn’t know that I needed. In all honesty, I didn’t really care for any of the other Transformers movies, but this one…this was something altogether different. Call it a breath of fresh air in an otherwise stale franchise. Firstly, the casting was great. Hailee Steinfeld superbly played the angst-ridden teenager with a chip on her shoulder, John Cena had the audience wondering if he in fact did have a heart under all of those muscles, and Jorge Lendeborg Jr. was just a fun surprise. This movie had lots of laughs, lots of heart, and a killer soundtrack. And yes, lots of action, lots of robots, and obligatory robot fight sequences. But this was so much more than just another Transformers movie.

(aka Will Johnny Depp Ever Look Johnny Depp-ish in a Movie Again?)

Okay. Let me preface this by saying that I’m a big, totally biased Harry Potter fan. Think of the biggest Harry Potter fan that you know, and then double the level of fandom. That’s probably where I am. I’m more about the books than the movies (obvi), but anything HP related doesn’t have to work very hard to get my attention and/or undying devotion. That being said, I didn’t care for this movie. Is it my least favorite movie in the HP universe? No. But it’s close. There’s just so much bad, and not nearly enough good. The plot felt lazy, and it wasn’t the only thing; normally you can at least count on some impressive special effects, but what in the name of Merlin’s saggy left — was with those Magic Demon Cats (Ahem. I mean Matagots)?? I will say the baby nifflers were adorable, but a movie cannot stand on niffler cuteness alone. Now, let’s talk about casting decisions for a moment. Eddie Redmayne as Newt Scamander: Terrific decision. Jude Law as Albus Dumbledore: Okay decision. Johnny Depp as Gellart Grindelwald: Terrible decision. I never thought I’d be wishing for Colin Farrell back (he lost me at Daredevil. And Alexander. I was going to link to those trailers but I just didn’t want to…use your own Google machines if you really want to see them) but can we get some polyjuice potion and bring Colin Farrell back? Please? I just don’t know if I can take any more of Johnny Depp’s Grindelwald. I’m not even sure where he lost me (maybe the 15th Captain Jack Sparrow?) but I fear he’s lost me for good. I can’t in good conscience recommend this movie to any but the most die hard of HP fans, and even then I don’t feel good about it. This is definitely not a must-watch, but watch it if you must.

(aka Wait, that’s Keira Knightly?)

Honestly, I just wasn’t feeling it. And I wanted to like it, I really did. I actually got to see a 15 minute advanced preview of this movie at Disney World earlier this year, and I was pretty stoked to watch it after that. Alas, what was exciting and enticing as a 15 minute teaser was more deficient and disappointing as an hour and forty minute feature film. I was mildly entertained by Keira Knightly’s portrayal of the sugar plum fairy (complete with an extremely high voice as sugary sweet as her costumes), but her rapidly fluttering gossamer wings just couldn’t carry the burden of this movie. The special effects were nice, and the imagery was nothing short of magical, but the plot itself fell flat, and I just couldn’t work up any real emotional attachment to any of the characters. On top of that, this movie had some pretty disturbing scenes for a family film. The sinister clowns are creepy enough, but the mouse king (entirely made up of many writhing, squirming mice) is downright terrifying. If you (like me) were hoping this would become a new Christmas classic to enjoy each year, I say you’re better off sticking to the oldies but goodies. My personal faves are National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Die Hard, Gremlins, & Love Actually. The Christmas season just isn’t complete without watching these movies.

(aka The Female Punisher)

So. This has been done. A lot. There are many, many movies in which vigilante justice is the overall theme, and frankly, I can think of several better examples just off the top of my head. From The Boondock Saints to Taken to John Wick, each of which has some version of the vigilantism displayed in Peppermint, and all of which are just better movies. The only slight hook that Peppermint has would be the female lead, but even that has been done. I will say the performances were fairly strong – I would much rather watch Jennifer Garner in this role than see her reprise the role of Elektra (shudder), but that’s not really saying much. This movie wasn’t intellectually stimulating in the least, and the story line just felt careless. It relies solely on the chaotic action and in-your-face violence you would expect in a John Woo movie…and if John Woo had directed this one, it might actually have been a decent film.

(aka #SorryNotSorry)

This movie was funny. Much funnier than I was expecting, given the film noir-ish trailers. It felt like it tried to be several different things at once (snappy comedy meets twisty drama meets Hitchockian thriller), and all in all, it did a pretty good job. In all honesty though, it would not have been nearly the movie it was without the superb performances by the plucky Anna Kendrick & the sublime Blake Lively. Their clever and droll interactions more than made up for the fairly hollow story-line, and helped a somewhat empty movie feel almost full. It really felt like Henry Golding was just along for the ride with these two fabulous leading ladies, but what a ride it surely was. Now, let’s talk about twisted, twisty twists for a minute. Did this movie have them? Yes, in spades. Did I not see them coming? No. Or yes. Or…wait, what? Double negatives always confuse me. Let’s put it like this: I saw them coming. A mile away. Almost from the beginning of the movie (and even before that…from the trailer) I could have predicted at least a portion of the ending. But seeing the ending coming doesn’t always detract from the fun in getting there. And this movie was definitely all about the journey, not the destination.

(aka That Other Adolf)

Meh. I mean, it wasn’t bad. It really has a lot going for it in terms of plot, dialogue, and don’t get me started on the acting. This historical drama is just lacking in some way that I can’t even really put my finger on. It should be a great movie. It’s kind of Argo-ish meets Inglorious Basterds-ish. And I liked both of those movies, so I should really like this one…right? I do know what I now want more of in my life though – if I could get some more witty banter between Oscar Isaac & Ben Kingsley, that would be great. The movie really came to life for me during those moments and there weren’t nearly enough of them. I’m a new fan of Oscar Isaac (honestly, who isn’t after Ex Machina?), but I’ve always loved Ben Kingsley. And if anyone could make you feel even an ounce of sympathy for the absolutely appalling man known as the “architect of the final solution”, it’s Ben Kingsley. He first came under my radar in Sneakers, which I saw (and loved) when I was 9 years old. Don’t judge me, but I still love that movie – it’s one that I will make a point to watch each time it airs on TV. I also may have the DVD. But getting back to Operation Finale. I don’t know. If you’re super into mostly accurate historical dramas, especially ones where evil nazis have a chance of getting their comeuppance, then you will probably like this movie. As for me, my normal scale for movies starts with “will I ever want to watch this again?” And this one falls short.

(aka Jurassic Shark)

Okay. Let me just start by saying this movie is pretty terrible. With that out of the way, let me also say that I liked it. Yup, you read that correctly. It’s a Terrible with a capital T movie, and I liked it. This movie has none of the ingredients that make for a good film. It has zero plot, zero character development, and bad acting. But again…I liked it. First of all, the trailer should tell you all that you need to know about this movie. And I can confirm that the trailer didn’t promise me anything that I did not receive. To put it another way, this movie gave me everything that I asked for. Action? Check. Giant shark? Check. Jason Statham? Check. What more could you want? I mean let’s face it, if you’re looking for a good (and I mean GOOD) movie, you should know by watching the trailer that this isn’t it. But if you’re looking to lose yourself for 112 minutes to in-your-face action, campy dialogue, and Jason Statham in a wetsuit, then this is the movie for you. It’s intense. And yes, it’s terrible. But it’s also terribly fun. If you liked Jaws and you liked Jurassic Park…well there’s still no guarantee that you’ll like this movie because those are both actually good movies. But this one is sort-of, almost, very very slightly on the same wavelength. Basically instead of man vs. dinosaur or man vs. shark, it’s man vs. dinosaur shark. And there’s something kind of beautiful about that. Will I ever watch it again? Probably not. Would I have watched it at all if I didn’t have MoviePass? Maybe. But I probably would have waited for Redbox. Do I regret watching it? No. And you (probably) won’t either.